I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
