You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
