I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
