I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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