your thong is hanging out like whoa
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
