I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
