Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Are we still banned from the library?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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