So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
4 words: hood of his car
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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