I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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