Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
