Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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