there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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