so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
