Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
