Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i drank out of a bidet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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