if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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