You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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