If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
