I think i peed on brittanys purse
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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