just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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