he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
