Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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