By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
