He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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