They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
