I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize