PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
