Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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