Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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