I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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