Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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