I feel like I'm in dance class right now
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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