Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
