I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
