I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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