who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize