im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
