Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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