her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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