if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
