called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
