Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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