I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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