tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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