meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
