I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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