The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
