I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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