dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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