Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
