Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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