is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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