Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There are leaves in my underwear?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
