i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
