I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
