and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
