I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
