"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
