So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
