Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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