I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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