Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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