I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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