im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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