Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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