Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
