It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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