at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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