I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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