there's paper in my vomit.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
