So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
