lets start a swedish sibling band together
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
