i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
