dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
