Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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