Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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