Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
