i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just pynch a tree in the face
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
