is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
