You can't special order awesome
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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