we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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