Soap is not a condiment
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
