I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
