Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
