Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
