watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
