guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
A bitchslap is in order.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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