mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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