sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
