She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
