I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
