The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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