So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
