The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
