She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sext me about skeletons
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
FUCK WHALES
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
