people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize