No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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