dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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