i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize