I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
