Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
