they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
